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Archive for March, 2011


As I was travelling home on the bus today, I saw an advert on one of the bus stops, for a deodorant that you use regardless of whether or not you are wearing black or white. What about all the other colours? Is this deodorant colourist?



A brief intro as it is nearly time for the vernal equinox, or Oestra. A balance between night and day. A time that is assoicated with eggs and the first shoots are appearing in the ground.

Simply devastating

Yesterday, I wallowed in the dark despair of depression over a tiny thing. Today the world is changing and there is much more to be sad about. 8.9 earthquake has hit Japan and will cause tsunamis for New Zealand, the Philippines, Indonesia, Papua New Guinea, Hawaii, and others. At the time of typing this 32 have died but as also the death toll is expected to rise. And a volcano has erupted in Hawaii. This is something to feel sad for. It is yet another senseless loss of life at Mother Nature’s fury and this will fuel speculation that the biggest moon for 19 years are the cause of this problem.  The moon will appear 14% larger and 30% brighter, the last ‘supermoon’ happened in 10th Jan 2005 around the time of the Indonesian earthquake that was a 9.0 and hurricane Katrina that occurred later that same year. Previous ‘supermoon’ have happened 1955,  1974 and 1992. Whether or not the moon is the cause of this earthquake will be of no concern to those involved at the moment. Our thoughts are with those who may be suffering at this time.

Bitter Depression

Something I have always struggled with is my emotions, and sometimes for no reason, they take over when there is no need for them to. Today is one of those days, all because a lecturer had a go at me for being late to his lecture when it was unavoidable. Nearly five hours lately and all I want to do is cry. This is silly, I’m hoping typing it up here will at least release from my heart. The one night I could have done with my belly dance class, is the one night that it is cancelled, is that just typical?! Part of the reason for the feeling is something that my mother impaired in me, never be late and I’d be punished and belittled when I was and in that class room today I reverted back to that little girl being bullied by her mother. It took all my will power not to pull a sulk. However, by internalizing this emotion I can not now let it go. A part of my knows that I should see a doctor, hey I am a psychology student after all. However, medication has always scared me and even taking one Valium tablet may completely ruin my chances of being a counsellor, and my life will be pointless. It least I’m safe in the knowledge that years of bible-bashing by mother has ingrained in me a deep fear of going to hell if I commit suicide. Is this a plea for help? Maybe. Is this a release of emotion? More likely. What am I expecting from this? Who knows! Part of the depression is a sense of lonely, when I’m not really alone. I know I have good friends that fall into several different groups (university, Pagan, others) that are more than willing to help me but they is something more satisfying in emptying your heart out to a computer. You may judge me but at least I will not have to put with your scorn face-to-face. However, you can not hug a computer and that what I want the most at the mo. A hug is better than a pill any day, closely followed by chocolate. The problem with that is it’s another form of emotion, chocolate, guilt. The great sage Garfield (yes, I mean the fat ginger cat) says that in an ideal world, chocolate would be a diet-food. However, it is not and things go wrong and maybe feeling blue is not bad, crying is therapeutic but this is so many hours later on such a trivial thing, is this crying still healing me or is making me worse? I’ve spent nearly half an hour typing this and although I’ve stopped crying, I still feel tired of life and all I’d like to do is sleep. I suppose in the eternal words of Annie, the sun will come out tomorrow!

One Woman

Today is International Woman’s Day and it has got me thinking. Firstly, I’ve not seen anything about it on any media system and I have only been told about it by someone else. Is anything exactly done on this day? A quick Google search reveals that Hilary Clinton launches the 100th  International Women’s day, and a memorial is being put into place for Mary Wollstonecraft, the first ‘feminist’.



Secondly, what does this day actually mean? Surely women should celebrate being a woman everyday or is this just some attempt by a patriarchal society to placate the women folk? Do not get me wrong, I’m not a feminist but though the literature I’ve had to read for my course I’ve become more aware of what it’s like to be a woman in society and while radical feminist want a female utopian society, I’m quite happy for just a little more equality in the world for everyone regardless of categories we like to place people in. The third thing, as a Pagan what is woman’s place within religious spheres? Paganism and Hinduism worship Goddesses while in the case of Roman and Greek pantheon treating their own women like dirt. Worshipping a Goddess does not necessary mean you treat women better, but the two are more likely to happen. While we have women priests, I do not think we are ever likely to have another female Pope after Pope Joan. Pope Joan allegedly reigned between 853 -855 AD, her true biological identity was only discovered as she give birth on horse back, where she was either killed by an angry mob or died of natural causes. Maybe today we give thanks to all the strong women who have gone before us, through struggle and sacrifice so our lives today are much more comfortable. Thank all of you, we salute you.

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