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Archive for June, 2011

All I see is Litha

Today is midsummer, also known as Litha, Alban Hefin, Sun Blessing, Gathering Day, Feill-Sheathain, Whit Sunday, Whitsuntide, Vestalia, Thing-tide, and St. John’s Day. This is known as one of the lesser holiday which is the solstices and equinoxes. Litha can be celebrated anywhere from the 20th to the 23rd of June depending on the Earth’s rotation. As I’ve mentioned today is midsummer as summer is seen as starting at Beltane (May 1st) and ends at Lammas (August 1st).  This makes more sense than suggesting that summer starts when the sun’s power is receding. The sun light is at its highest peak and now beginnings its decline into darkness. This holiday is the one most associated with Pagans, Druids etc. Litha is the directly opposite Yule in the wheel of the year.


Summer

Summer tries warms my creepy heart,
Its’ melodic tunes infuses into my brain
Green country side fills my affected eyes
But its magic cannot subvert my solitary soul
The world is filled with colourful retro clothes
Loving couples promising eternity to each other
Everything exploding with sexual passions
But lustful yearnings are dead inside me
Strange flowers and tree burst from their graves
The wheel of life turns to happier times once more
Everything is doused with memories and hope
But I only crave the death of the light
While people around me are moving with the seasons
I’m forever stuck in the winter, cold and frozen
I will be contented to endure the joys of summer
As I look forward to the darkness again
Because there in the dank, muddy ground
You wait for me and I will return to you
As the sun’s ray fade to a bluey grey
Death will be ready to embrace me
The summer’s frivolity is keeping him at bay
But as blackness falls I will accept my destiny
And will be together in a wintery embrace

In our fairy world

As I mentioned in the pervious blog on fairies there are many different types of fairies. Elemental fairies such as Silfides (air), Nymphs (water), Gnomes (earth) and Salamanders (fire). Silfides are symbolised by intelligence, Spring and Dawn and is often seen as a butterfly type fairy. Nymphs are symbolised by love and care, Autumn and Sunset and is often seen as mermaids, undines and nereids. Gnomes are symbolic of winter and the night. Salamnders are symbolic of both creation and destruction, summer and the daylight.

Fairies

As we come up to Midsummer it is the time our thoughts turn to fairies, or a least mine does. Fairies are one of the many mythical creatures that I believe in. Fairies is an umbrella term to apply to a wide range of metaphysical and supernatural beings. The word fairy is believed to have links to an old French word, faerie, which means land and the Latin word Fae, which is a derivative of Fates and therefore seen as a guardian spirit. The word fey originally meant ‘fated to die’ and therefore is not relevant and may have been a mishearing of the word fay. The most general description of fairies is a human form with magical powers. However, where this perspective has come from is unclear, theories ranging from dead souls to fallen angels. Some people believe that they may be a conquered race that went in hiding or religious belief that has lost it meaning through Christianity. Personally I believe that fairies are the embodiment of nature.

Enter loneliness, stage left.

There is nothing like an event full of couples and families to emphasis your singleton. So my automatic response to this is to become flirty with the few people who were there alone. However, after spending a night amongst couples, going to bed alone was the loneliest I’d felt in all the time that I had slept in the spare room on a mattress. By the end of the weekend, which had also included a lack of food, drink, stress and sunburn, while packing up a black cloud of sadness enveloped me and brought me to tears, because despite all of this, it was better than the loneliness I suffer in my own house. As the Beyonce song goes ‘I don’t feel at home in my own home.’ So I’ve return to acting, the mask of happiness has returned and loneliness is replaced by anticipation to the moments that I will have and the mask will reveal me again. My only concern is sometimes I worry I’m losing the real me behind this charade. Loneliness amongst others means more of an opportunity for that loneliness to be lifted, loneliness alone is deepest chasm.

If you were in my online group

Do online groups fulfil the same needs as an ‘traditional?’ A HomeNet study seemed to suggest not, as the relationship formed online were weaker, lead to a decline in family and friends communication and an increase in loneliness and depression. However, a study by Parks and Floyd contradicted the finding of the HomeNet study, indicating that relationships online were closer and more rewarding then relationships offline. Personally I think the two need to work in conjunction to give a rich tapestry to life. I use online groups to organise events that may not be able to do in ‘real time’ due to life commitments and staying in contact with people who I do not see every day. Over the summer as loneliness sets in, I will use the internet groups to hassle my university friends that I may not see for many months. However, these are people I know offline and while I have ‘met’ people online that has never been a very positive experience and that is where for me online groups do not fulfil the same needs as the offline groups.

Compulsion

Its a compulsion, this inside me,
gnawing,
scratching.
I should be arrested by the police
Because this feeling should be illegal.

It’s trouble, this inside me
electrifying,
sensational.
I should be shot by Clint Eastwood
Because this feeling is an outlaw.

It’s dirty, this feeling inside me,
bitter,
sweet.
I should visit the doctor’s sugery
Because this feeling needs removing

It’s entertaining, this inside me,
crazy,
consuming.
I need an oxygen mask
Because this feeling is smothering.

It’s magnificent, this inside me,
harmful,
dangerous.
I am trapped in a prison
Because this feeling is my cell.

It’s nameless, this inside me,
calling,
yearning.
I need you to save me
Because this compulsion is you.

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