Today is World Mental Health Day. It has also been during this week that I have come to an important decision about my own bouts of depression, which is to deal with it. Leaving the hell behind has meant that the numbness of the past few years have melt away. This is great, I laugh, joke, enjoy life and are happier and healthy (and skinnier) than I have been for a long time, until the black dog starts to bark. While the highs are amazing, the lows are becoming crippling. Along with my depression, my battle with eating disorders and panic attacks have also resurfaced.
Why now? Well I am in a place where I can try to deal with it. There was no point in my eyes dealing with it before as I was trying to help someone else deal with their issues, that I did not have the energy to deal with my own. I know my friends have always been there for me, but with the highs I feel more connected to my friends and feel more inclined to reach out to them when I am low. I also have a special someone who is more than willing to help me, but why should I expect him to deal with my pain if I am not willing to deal with them myself. So today is a start of a long battle that I may never win, but to go beyond just existing and to start living again, that is victory enough for me.