The saying goes that what does not kill you makes you stronger but a friend recently put on facebook that what does not kill you makes you paranoid and I think that is much more applicable. I’ve always been the type of person who continually replays the things that I’ve said and do and wonder how this has changed people opinions of me subsequently. The moment when you’ve said something stupid, for example I told someone “I did not know they were such a Knowledgist on a certain subject”. At times like this I point out that English is not my first language, but I think enough English was spoken in my childhood for that not to be an excuse. There are those moments when I reveal more than necessary and that ultimate embarrassment when you tell someone you love them and they laugh in your face. Like Russell Brand, just as I’m about to go to sleep, that voice in my head likes to remind me of those moments of misdirection. Technology has not made this any easier, in fact it has made it worse. That moment when you press the send button and then start wondering if what you have said will be read in the context that it was intended. Although emails/texts themselves are instant, unless the people is at the device that is receiving them, the response are not necessary instant. You could be wasting time worrying about something that is not actually going to happen. However, I have decided to TRY and not let it get to me, what I say is the truth not matter how silly it may seem. The fact that I love you should not be seen as a thing of foolishness but you should be honoured that I want you in my life. Maybe if I say this often enough I will believe it.
July 12, 2011